I've been falling down a lot lately. A few nights ago, I wandered outside in the dark, tripped over an upside down lawn chair and saw my life flash before my eyes. AGAIN, This time I was just tipsy, the lawn chair was darker than night and after I bashed my shins and, avoided impailling myself on the leg of a lawn chair like a Game of Thrones character - I finally hit the ground and realized - Ozzy Osbourne is having an easier time dying than me.
I imagined my obituary and the strange looks at my viking funeral.
"Chantel went exactly the way she liked to live; tipsy - in the dark - in the backyard - surrounded by the things she loved which fell out of her purse on her way down. Except for the Lemon Shandy, she would never spill her drink." I really thought it would be more glamorous than that.
I got up, finished my Shandy, scooped up my belongings, my dog and, went to bed. I survived yet again and the only thing to show for it; is my inner dialogue and a few bruises. And why the fuck did I think of Ozzy Osbourne just before my death?
So many questions.
I've fallen at work
I smashed my hand on a glass in front of my new boss.
Then, I had a great day so; I climbed rocks, I fell down, I had an asthma attack. All I had to show for it was an unspilled Shandy and a few more bruises.
I love swimming in the river - stacking rocks because its illegal - and Shandy's.
Life is simple.
I'm celebrating Independence Day,
I'm celebrating even though the fire-crackers scare the bezeesus out of me.
I'm reminded of a time when I was 15 and I was at my new cool summer job sitting in an empty office answering telephones and typing 3-part carbon forms day after day after hour after minute. I really took a liking to office work after that job, said no-one ever. I wrote a story about how I was kidnapped by the KGB and flown to Russia so they could steal my only Led Zepplin album. Yes, a telephone, a typewriter, a plane, a Led Zepplin album and 8 hours to kill at work. I won the KGON contest and I felt pretty good about myself. That's a time I not only survived; I fucking beat the Russians too.
I was reprimanded sternly and then I wondered what ever happened to my album and, then I wondered about my blog, my career and, thought, THIS IS THE LIFE AND TIMES....maybe I should scrap it and start over, like I always thought of doing. But then I realized THIS hot mess is just another extension of who I am to become. And slowly but surely - I'm going to try again - I'm probably going to fail again - but maybe I won't - maybe I'll survive that too. But I've got to come out of hiding a little and I've got to get on the grid - I guess I'll pay my domain renewal.
I've wanted to write stuff. But all I have to show for it; is a few really long showers where I giggle at all the awesome jokes I've written in my head. Over time, that turned to possibly, maybe, wanting to perform again - on my own terms - jotting ideas on paper turned to buying podcasting equipment, turned to outlining long form story-telling productions turned to possible, someday, very soon, I will not only not only beat that outside force trying to steal my only access to my own personal Stairway to Heaven. I'll be honest, we can thank the Lexapro, a Psychologist for the time I lived and a Psychologist for the time I died and a doctor who swears a lot when he looks at my lungs and heart. I thank myself a lot too - I'm been working really hard on getting well.
Then I thought about all the other falling down I've done and how I survived quite well. And then I realized I beat another Russian - so to speak. I not only won, I not only survived, I'm a happy Mother Fucker. I'm still missing my albums but that too was just another piece of plastic, I don't really miss it - really.
And then I thought wow, Its July 4th.
I quit smoking yesterday.
I've also been thinking of running for President
"I've still got skills"
no cigarettes and,
no Shandy's were harmed during this post.
Saturday, July 04, 2015
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
I have made significant changes in my life since my last post here. Unfortunately, any disruption to my life causes a great deal of insecurity and imagined instability. I'm working - for money - in a way that's not illegal. GO ME. I've never really worked illegally but, after caring for my Dad for two years, I sort of feel out of place in a "real" work environment. I guess we call this - the jumping off point of "starting over". Its serious -- I'm employed.
Here are some photos to get you going.
Here are some photos to get you going.
Its true, I do love wedding dresses. I have no desire to find myself in one.
This is 15 years of friendship - and the photo on my hat proves that it.
My little Peanut Butter Cup for Halloween.
I get to go to work here everyday. The possibilities are as endless as these vines.
My Sister - 30 years later.
The Oregon City Library
I had a dream I was abducted by aliens. I apologized for not wearing cuter shoes.
Monday, September 15, 2014
At Helen's Vintage Costume's in Portland, making the final selection
Don't dare me to drive around town in a costume
Also Runner's think I'm stupid at 7am- but, I sing anyway
Mt. Angel is the cutest town on the planet
Trying to take a squinty selfie of the finish line.
I might be too old to to try and perfect the selfie thing.
After a few hours with no mic - I was grateful for the gang
of Cheer Leaders from Sheridan High.