Robin was kind enough to recognize, what we were creating at Wharf Room Comedy was exactly the type of environment where magic can happen. You cannot become a comedian without someone else willing to take the risk to create a stage. We created a stage, business owners took a chance on us, fought with us, fought against us but, we all fought for comedy. The amateur stages where it appears no one is laughing is where our comedy idols are born. No showcase, open-mic or indie producer is in this for money - there is no money in throwing comedy shows, there is very little prestige, there can be 20 people in your community at one point or another shitting on you, there are venue owners that are angry, bar servers throwing drinks because tips are shit and, comedy fans that aren't comedy fans at all destroying us on stage....all of this makes us as artists question our sanity; and rightly so.
No matter the difficulties - no matter the nervous breakdown - no matter the ruin; I wouldn't have changed one moment.
But, I got to be a part of it. For a long time I stood in the shadows of this beautiful comedy magic and one day I took the stage. I was changed forever, I became invincible 15 minutes a night, 5 nights a week. I was super-woman. It was because of that magical place and that stage that over 1,000 other performers and comedians got a few minutes to be invincible. At least that's what I hoped they felt. I never intended to create any other show than a place for comedians to be better and to have an opportunity to grow as artists. Of all the mistakes we made, of all the fights we had, this always remained the mission of that stage.
I'm proud to have fought for that - I'm proud to have been a part of that magic.
What Robin Williams said to me validated every moment, every heart break, every lost friend, every venue owner that hated us, a failed relationship and every type of ruin I could experience as a human. One comic told me that I would be a real comedian when I've lost everything.
In the moments I met Robin, he spoke to me of my contribution when others barely knew of my devoted involvement in the production of Wharf Room Comedy. What everyone else doesn't know is that each and every comedian that came on my stage gave me the courage to step up there and find a voice I didn't know I had. I had experiences that most of the population will never get to experience.
Because of my battle with stress and anxiety I may never return to performing. But, I will always in my heart believe it was the most magical creation I ever had the opportunity to be part of. In the history of ever.
Robin Williams is a hero to the San Francisco comedy community - for each of us we will walk with heavy hearts for him and his family. But, we those of us who were inspired by his art, his kindness, his generous praise and time and, his galactic talent; we feel him, and we will feel him for a very very long time.
My battles I know will never fully be over but I know I'm going to live. I chose life, I fought for life - I also have a few back-up plans just in case those choices aren't doing the trick. I made a promise to someone that I would live, I promised that I wouldn't be the one ending my own life, I promised that the last thing I did before ever hurting myself was to pick up the phone and make a phone call to her. A promise to someone lifted the burden of not wanting to experience this world any longer. I now have to live, the choice is no longer my own.
I promised, I just made a fucking promise and I intend to keep it. No judgement - I just promised.