I took to smoking weed like I was born to do it. I had already all but quit drinking alcohol by the time the depression set in. I've always had rules about alcohol and "depressed Chantel" and, rules about being sober when performing. This comes from years watching my Mother, ex-husband and Son struggle with addiction.
The pills just weren't working, I needed to change my life. I will go into the story more as I review and talk more openly about the effects of marijuana on my emotional condition. More importantly I discovered a strain that has literally been a game changer in my daily life. I'm going to start there.....stories will unfold as they normally do when I'm telling a story.
I've been smoking like a champion in training. Over time after the initial crisis symptoms subsided I noticed when smoking weed for anxiety, depression & PTSD; LESS IS MORE. Many of my friends hate hearing that but; most smokers don't need the highest THC, they need to find their strain.
Over smoking can often lead to all the negative side affects of weed. You also must eat when smoking because, smoking on an empty stomach will get you very very high - it can also increase anxiety, paranoia, again, all the negative side affects of weed.
After smoking pennywise, my head immediately cleared I also developed some motivation to take care of myself. As in; I WANTED to meditate, I WANTED to eat something healthy, I WANTED to shower. None of these chores left me feeling overwhelmed or confused as to my next step throughout the day.
I appreciate after a few minutes my body loosens up. The pain of my back injury, the broken ribs, the dislocated shoulder, the tinnitus, all ease up. Stress is relieved and I go on about my day terrorizing my nephews with terrible rap songs. I smoke a little throughout the day and I notice my energy stays up, my head stays focused and my general anxiety about existence, levels. I think about writing without having a full blown panic attack. I write it and then somehow, somewhere, I find the strength to hit publish. Shit or not, somehow I'm writing again.
The rest is up to me:
I mediate every morning, I walk outside on rainy fucking days and stand in the cold grass in our backyard and wait for a break of sun. I close my eyes, wait to feel the earth grip the soles of my feet and I thank the sun for my life. I literally taught myself how to feel gratitude in the midst of the chronic despair that flows through the world.
When I want to sleep, I still use pennywise. I smoke a little alone and think about how wonderful my 9 hours of sleep are about to be. I look of to the stars from the shelter of the shed in the back of the yard, leaking but still slightly protecting me from the gorge wind. I still say thank you again. Then I smoke a big bowl of the heaviest indica I can find, or the lovliest indica I can find. Whatever will complete the process of a long day into complete and utter bliss.
High CBD strains also work well when smoked regularly. The medicinal affects of the weed build up and over time your symptoms can begin to subside more and more. Take your time friends, do what Mommy says; eat well, take care of your bodies, laugh a lot and, we'll get through it together. All the strains do something different and they do it well if the marijuana is; grown properly, stored properly and the genetics are strong. Take the time to experiment to find the right combinations that allow you to be productive and, be a driving force in your own daily wellness.
Do not consider reducing your pharmaceutical medications without care from your doctor. I've not been lucky to have a doctor on my side - I've discovered all of this with my own research, trial and error and, my children who are surprising weed experts. (this is the story of how I became a "Hood Mom")
I've had a lot of help and done a lot of hard work toward my own recovery. But we all have to start somewhere.
Pennywise, Strain information via Leafly.com
Pennywise is a high-CBD indica cross between Harlequin and Jack the Ripper, a combination that lends this strain its killer clown name. Four phenotypes of this Stephen King-inspired strain exist, some of which have fingerlike buds while others appear more round. Notes of coffee and pepper lift from the purple-fringed flowers with undertones of lemon and bubblegum. Rich in the therapeutic compound CBD, Pennywise is especially effective in treating arthritis, PTSD, epilepsy, neurological disorders, and cancer symptoms. It contains a 1:1 ratio of CBD and THC, so the psychoactive effects are milder and more relaxing. Jack the Ripper’s cerebrally focused effects are detectable in Pennywise’s genes as euphoria and mental clarity take over with an invigorating buzz.